Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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