Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
