Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
