she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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