this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
