I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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