then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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