My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
