I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
splinters make it hard to masturbate
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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