I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
