So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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