do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
