It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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