I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
