i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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