would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Boobs speak an international language.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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