That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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