Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
