If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
