you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
