Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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