mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
