she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
