Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
