If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
