How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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