hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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