I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
