if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
