let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
