Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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