Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
