I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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