I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
