White coat. Heels.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
false alarm. still invincible.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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