just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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