I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
