im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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