I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
