Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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