my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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