you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My vagina just recognized that song.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
