If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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