I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm like, not good at living.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
