Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
