i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize