1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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