first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
