I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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