If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
