it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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