i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
