you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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