It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
