I hate all girls vehemently.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Duck Duck Cougar?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
