I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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