I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
