Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
