Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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