Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
