Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
