I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
