Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
