I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
