I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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