I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
