I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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