Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
