they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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