my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
