i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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